I find myself very, very tired these days. Not because of lack of sleep but rather because I'm spiritually exhausted.
I made the 'mistake' of re-initiating contact with the big guy upstairs and I don't think he's letting me back out on him again - however absurd that might sound to many. I can't get away from my faith anyhow, but I also cannot 'give in' to it. Precisely because it would be 'giving in'! I have some notion that to become a christian again (in the original meaning of the word) would be to come crawling back and to humiliate (not just humble) myself in front of all the people I left with a proud heart, head held high because I refused to give in to their theology that hinges on too many cultural fashions.
Is it not possible to be in a vivant relationship with God without succumbing to christian trends, always being the first to learn the newest songs from the biggest christian artists? Without having to be the worshipper who jumps around the most during a worship session (jam-packed with drum- and guitar solos, unbelievably energetic choir voices and catchy intro's)? Is it possible to surround oneself in a christian gathering that is run more like a proficient company rather than a social club?
Okay okay, I'm 'bitching' but why can't one complain if one doesn't agree? As long as the complainers don't starting working against the boss(es), it should be alright to complain.
Yes, more like the business world! Or am I wrong? What am I missing?
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3 comments:
I am not sure what you are missing, or what I am missing for that matter. However, I do think I know what you mean and I understand your frustration. A good "bitch session" can be helpful in so many ways, so keep complaining. You most definetly are entitled too.
Eryn.
I agree in many ways people have made the church like a business. We (the church) try so hard to be bigger and better. I think sometimes we forget one of the things Jesus said "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
If we just did that and had that as our focus, I wonder how things would look?
Mark,
I just think that we have been ineffective in regards to running church like a business: had we done it wholeheartedly, I think it would've been good. But we did it half-heartedly, the enthusiasm of the commitment to church generally being only half of that of our normal day-jobs. But whether or not this church-like-business concept is in line with scripture, I don't know.
But I do agree in what you write of love. I see this opposite to love, hate, in myself daily with grudges against people I don't immediately like, and bad attitude spreading rumours etc. I've always been good at seeing splinters in everyone else's eyes.
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